its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
