I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
