I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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