Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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