ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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