At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
