Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
