I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
