Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where is the hickey?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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