even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
