I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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