Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
