not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
