About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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