so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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