If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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