was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
