I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
