oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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