What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
