Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
