I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
