He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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