The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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