i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
