I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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