Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
