Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
