I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
