Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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