She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
