belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
