Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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