just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
