I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
