Yo dont text me then not text me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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