What a fucking waste of an outfit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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