Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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