He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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