You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
