why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize