you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
