I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
