That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
