Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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