is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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