Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
