Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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