I forgot how hot balto sounded
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
