So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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