did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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