she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
