Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
