I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
