Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
