you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
