I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
