you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
