I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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