I'm so fucking centered right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
