SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
