I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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