I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
