I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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