she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
vagina is talking i cant
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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