my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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