They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
