it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
