He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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