Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize