is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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