Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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