I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
