so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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