paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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